My authentic experiences of motherhood

When I was pregnant I never gave much thought to the actual act of parenting. I didn’t read parenting books, I didn’t look ahead, I didn’t sit there and sketch out a plan of how I would raise my little girl. My history is 100% to blame for my reluctance to face the fact I was actually going to become a Mum to a living child so as you can probably imagine I had no clue what was awaiting me when she joined us earth side last December.

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I spent so much of my time convincing myself I’d lose her that thinking through what parenting actually meant to me was unfortunately not my priority. When she arrived I was frazzled, insecure and terrified because I had no idea what I was doing. I had no idea how to care for this perfect tiny human.

Enter the internets where motherhood and parenting are glammed up to look like the interior pages of some glitzy mommy magazine . I perused pinterest, facebook and instagram and was horrified by how “put together”, “perfect” and “easy” all these expert Mums made the task of caring for a little one appear.

I later started interacting with other mums. Some rainbow mums, some not and it became pretty clear that my feelings of exhaustion, insecurity and terror were far more common than the interwebz led me to believe. Motherhood is hard work and the internet can be a bold faced liar making it appear to be an easy task. This idea that moms need to have it “together” all of the time is absolutely ridiculous and so incredibly damaging to moms like me who sometimes struggle with the demands of motherhood.

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So, I wanted to share my authentic experiences of motherhood with you today and I hope you’ll share yours with me too. Some will probably make you cringe- others laugh? (hopefully) and I hope that if you’re a new mum feeling like you’re drowning this post will help you realize that you’re not alone.

My kiddo is nearly 14 months old and some days I’m still left wondering what the hell I’m doing.

/ Wishing time would stop and simultaneously speed up at the same time. Being exhausted all the time often leads me to wish the day away, then I feel guilty because I should focus on savoring every single moment. They’re only little once right?

/Abandoning my personal care regime and strangely being okay with it. Pre-baby I was insanely vain about my hair, makeup and clothing. Today, my hair is always tied (in the early days I legit developed dread locks because of how many days I went without actually combing it – I’ve since gotten a shorter more manageable cut), I wear zero makeup and live in mom tights. Most days my legs are unshaven and my socks don’t match.

/ Prioritizing happy and quiet baby over clean and freshly changed baby. Sometimes she’s so peaceful and content playing with books or puzzles that I leave her sitting in her poop to avoid a diaper change mega meltdown. She absolutely hates having her butt cleaned – think arched back, red faced screaming hates it.

/ Pretending to be fast asleep when Margs wakes up for a night feed. I don’t always do this but some nights I’m just so tired that I hear her and pretend I don’t. Mer is a saint and takes care of it. I think he’s on to me too.

/Heading out for 30 minutes of free time in the evenings to just get away and clear my head. Drug stores are my favorite because I peruse the aisles, try on different perfumes and listen to music on my i-Pod. Oh my god. I cannot believe I’ve actually just told you that!

/Awkwardly bursting out into children’s songs at the most inopportune times. I recently started singling “if allllll the raindrops were lemon drops and gum drops – ohhhhhh what a rain that would be” in the grocery store. Outloud. By myself.

/ Planning to do creative, stimulating, entertaining and otherwise amazing activities with my kiddo only to burn out by 1pm and abandon ship. I try my best but some days the best I can do is play puzzles, read books and hope for an extra long afternoon nap.

/ Loving this child so fiercely and deeply it hurts. Margs is my blessing, my miracle, my world. It doesn’t  mean that parenting her is easy though. Some days are awesome and other days are hard but ultimately I’m learning to be okay with doing the best I possibly can. Motherhood aint about perfection folks.

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Now tell me, what are your authentic experiences with motherhood?

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Author: Jenny

I'm Jenny, a 30-something mama to 1 living child and 5 angels. I live in a tiny blue cottage in a small suburb outside a major Canadian city. I live here with my miracle baby Margs, my husband Mer, my pup and my 2 cats. I blog about a bunch of different things including parenting, frugal living and minimalism. Feel free to subscribe to my blog and follow me on instagram, twitter or bloglovin.

54 thoughts on “My authentic experiences of motherhood”

  1. While I chose not to have children and have no firsthand experience in the matter, I have watched my sister raising her 3 kids – the first two she had back to back and the third came along a couple years later. From what I’ve witnessed, there isn’t a single thing you wrote that I’m 100% sure, she wouldn’t claim is absolutely accurate. Motherhood – not for the faint of heart. And it sounds to me like you’re doing an awesome job.

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  2. My daughter is 4.5 months old. I work full time and also have a 4 y/o son. Lets just say I have cried everyday this week. I am 75% sure it is simply from lack of sleep. It is so bad that I keep my “Pumping” sign on my closed door all day lol. I snort so much lavender essential oils, my sinuses are operating at peak fresh efficiency. “self-care”? Does taking a breath before I yell count?

    Last night I got 4.5 hours of sleep (a significant improvement) and now I feel like I have my shit together and can conquer the world, so it’s not all bad. I was doing good blogging 3 times a week. Today is the first day I could even make out the letters on my screen.

    I juggle, I dance on a wire, I smile. But it is like I say of any of my art projects… Just don’t look too close lol

    Cheers, Mama. I brought a dirty diaper to work in my lunch bag… What the hey.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I tip my hat to you lady. You’re doing such a great job! The dirty diaper thing made me laugh. One morning I asked Mer to take out a sack of dirty diapers. unfortunately because we use plastic grocery bags for trash Mer mixed up his lunch and the trash. He hauled a load of dirties to work with him that day. 🙂

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  3. I love this post because every point I can agree on! I’m the girl who has found a way to wear yoga tights to work and still make them look professional. My hair in a bun is so common these days that my 17 month old son has started grabbing my hair elastics and rubs them on his hair trying to be like me. My makeup regime is so minimal that it takes five minutes to do. And a few times now I have told my husband I’m going to the gym but instead have gotten in my car and driven a few blocks away, parked up and watched Netflix on my phone without any interruption.

    My authentic moments of motherhood have been: accidentally talking to a colleague at work in a baby voice that I save for my son. Yeah…I still haven’t lived that one down. I wash my son’s hair about once every 1.5 weeks instead of every couple of days like I should because the ginormous meltdown that comes with hair washing isn’t worth it. Thankfully he doesn’t have oily hair. I usually shower at night so it makes my morning pre-work routine easier….but sometimes I’m just so exhausted that the thought of having to towel off and deal with wet, tangled hair is too much…so I don’t shower. Perfume works just as well right? lol.

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      1. because it’s winter here it means that boots are an essential. so I usually wear my black yoga tights (I avoid the more worn looking ones), a flowy nice top, a long cardigan/sweater over top and then knee high boots. nobody can tell that they are yoga tights as they could just pass as skinny black pants! I’ve actually worn them with ankle height boots too. but only when they are full length yoga tights. I also have a shorter dress that is a bit more casual style that I have slipped yoga tights underneath and then worn a longer sweater over top too. it’s all about ensuring the butt is covered lol. today I actually have a pair on and I have a long sleeved loose grey t-shirt on with a sleeveless long black cardigan over top of it and a funky necklace and then my favourite pair of knee high non-heeled boots. I’m the comfiest ever!!

        I actually just googled “how to wear leggings to work” and came across this article which gives some good visual ideas!
        https://www.bustle.com/articles/135816-10-ways-to-wear-leggings-to-work-when-pants-are-too-much-to-deal-with-photos

        Liked by 1 person

      2. my very favourite yoga tights are from Old Navy and are cheap cheap. But they also are a nice, thicker material which ensures that no skin shows through and they don’t pill like some other leggings do. They also have a high waist option which is great for my saggy mom belly!

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    1. We’ve been working on it actually. She usually poops in the potty if I catch the signs. She thinks her potty is a lazy boy so she doesn’t mind sitting on it. Now, if only she’d tell me she has to go 🙂 Baby steps!

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  4. Parenting is like burrowing headfirst through a snowdrift. On good days, our collective body heat melts tunnels to clear the way. On bad days, I eat snow.

    You never get a chance to stop being a parent. Being home, disabled with a three year old, does not come with a manual or a babysitter for relief when I need it. Sometimes, it’s time to put in a movie (animal films are the favorites here,) pop popcorn, make a smoothy and put a can of soup in the slow cooker so it doesn’t burn.

    My boys are 19, 16 and 14 and just as much work as they were when they were not sleeping through the night. I wish I could say it gets better, it just changes into the new norm. Anyone who complains about my daughter having short hair “she looks like a boy” instead of me putting her through the agony of daily detangling her afro (screamfest) should offer to style her hair for a week and see what their solution is. If she lets them do her hair without screaming. I will pay them to do it. There, problem solved.

    Parenting is about what you and your child need to get through the day. Everyday is different. I used to work a 60hour a week job with the first child, then ran a small business (80 hours a week) with the next two, now I’m at home with my fourth.

    Give yourself a pat on the back, steal time for yourself when needed, accept help from relatives (even if they give unwanted advice,) find a no stress baby group/library/playground group/baby play class so you can talk to adults who are living through this.

    Blogging helps! Have fun raising little humans. They are fun and enjoy any amount of time you spend with them, even when they are screaming. You are mommy, you can pick them up and make them smile, they love the way you smell when you first wake up. Life is about sloppy kisses and baby hugs.

    Enjoy!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I know many expectant mothers and mum’s of littles and I know they will all agree with every single point you made. I find mother’s have really put the pressure on themselves to be this idealized version of perfect. So I hope it’s ok, that I shared this on my Facebook page. Everyone needs a reminder that they’re not alone! Thank you for sharing!

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  6. I can totally relate to most of this. I don’t get a whole time away from baby girl unless it’s going to the dentist and that is no get away! Thanks for making me realize I’m normal xx

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  7. I totally relate to the dreadlocks! My sister bought me a special dematting brush for my last birthday. Motherhood definitely is not about perfection, but somehow is so easy to get caught up in the sense that we should be perfect. I guess in a way it’s natural because we want the best for our little ones. I get the feeling that all my 6 month old really wants is to share my presence, love and happiness, rather than some perfect ideal though. I’ve struggled with the “good enough” concept too, but it’s starting to be ok for me 🙂 Sounds like you are doing a great job to me!

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      1. I think there are a few brands around, but the one she got me is a tangle teeter – it’s got soft rubber bristles. It took quite awhile to get the big dreads out, but now I just use it before I wash my hair to get any tangles out. 😀 she gave me some hair oil too which seems to stop them forming 😄

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  8. Main thing that attracted me to your blog is how very same we are at present, stay at home…plus the title, hay, you don’t know how much I wanted to be able to build our OWN home. Keep writing, it’s good to hear about stories of motherhood. 👍

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  9. I have three boys – 13, 9, and 1.5 – and I can so relate to all of these. 🙂 Especially wanted to do all kinds of amazing things and then burning out/baby has other plans/older ones just want to play video games. Sometimes I wish the 1.5 year old would be older so we’re out of the diapers/crying phase, but then I look at my 13 year old and wish he was a little one again instead of a teenager (eek). The plus of having older kids is that I’ve been through this and don’t care about “perfect” anymore-because I know it doesn’t exist. As long as everyone is fed/relatively clean/happy then it’s a good day.

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  10. Oh my gosh, I want to be your friend after reading this! Haha All of this is so true! When we brought home
    our son, my husband and I talked about that… how judging from the internet and even what family discusses, the postpartum period is incredibly harder than we expected. And motherhood too. I laughed at the drugstore one because I’ve totally done that. It’s less crowded than target and no one bothers you 🙂 Cheers to you mama, thank you for writing this.

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  11. I can completely relate to the mom dreads , I sport them regularly, mostly because even though my son sleeps his crib is on the other side of my shower wall and I am terrified to wake him… because sometimes that means he doesn’t go back to sleep for hours! But eventually they are combed out and washed and back up in that mom bun because his cute littles fingers can’t seem to stay out of it.

    Thanks for being honest mama!

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  12. You are definitely not alone and no mom is perfect. If they act like they are, they are doing just that…..ACTING. I have raised three wonderful but very different children. They are now 26,22,19. I was lucky that my first was real easy as my second was such a challenge. If she had been my first, I am not sure I would have had another. Don’t be hard on yourself. Follow your gut and instinct. Listen to other moms but do what feels right for you and your child. All children are different. What worked for my first did not for my second and the third was also very different. The most important thing is they know that they are loved and respected and appreciated for who they are. They may be nothing like what you expect, or even thought you wanted, but having adult children is amazing. As much as I have taught my children, they have also taught me so much. Don’t be afraid to learn from Marg. She will teach you much.

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  13. I like this a lot! You can tell from the comments you are definitely not alone! My eldest is 18,and my youngest 10 with quite significant special needs-we sing everything-even when no children are around.Me and Pete often find ourselves driving without children near the airport and shouting “look,look a plane” and shouting out if we see cows in a field,so they occasional nursery rhyme is neither hear nor there!.We ar muddling through at best,aiting for the “adult”to kick in-my suspicion is it never does!

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  14. You are definitely not alone. . . .I actually wrote an article for a Writer’s website about this and how hard parenting truly is. I posted it to my blog last week sometime, in case you were interested in reading it. But anyhow, I too suffered from the perfect mommy syndrome initially. But thankfully I eventually gave that up in favor of being real – which is what motivated me to start my Mama Insanity blog in the first place.
    There are Sundays that I choose not to go to church because I’ve been getting up at the crack of dawn all week to get my daughter to school. I don’t want to do it on the weekend too! When my first daughter started preschool, there was a day I forgot to pick her up until the teacher called asking if someone was coming to get her. Talk about mortified! We have cereal for dinner more times than I care to admit because it’s just too much work to cook on those days.
    I’d much rather hang out with an authentic mom with mismatched socks and a messy bun than one who makes me feel inadequate over the way I parent. Don’t sweat it – you’re doing just fine!

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  15. I have never had a chance to experience the joys and sorrows in raising a family, but have enjoyed a career taking care of children’s health needs while watching them grow and develop into incredible adults. I wish you many years of great joy and memories yet to come.

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  16. Oh, I have done that too…pretending to be asleep when I was awake but exhausted, so that my husband could attend to my baby…I remember giving her cookies and switching on the TV once when she woke up once at 1 in the night and refused to sleep. When I woke up an hour later, she had eaten 2 cookies and was sleeping soundly.

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    1. T.V doesn’t seem to work for Margs. She seems to get more stimulated by it than anything else. Usually, what we do is cuddle with her on the couch and it seems to do the trick. Some nights though she just will not sleep.

      Liked by 1 person

  17. I can relate to many of these… too funny. An authentic mummy moment of mine happened days after I had given birth to my first born. I was having a conversation with my husband while eating my cereal standing at his work desk. We both burst out laughing when we realized that I was standing there swaying from side to side, basically rocking my cereal to sleep!

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  18. Mothering is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It is rewarding and the love I have for my kids is never-ending. But I swear some days when they insist on being in my bubble I just want to scream. Down time and self care is so important.

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